As you all know I have two major professional roles. One is being a lean thin Yoga teacher and another one “ over-smart” C++ software developer (wink wink). And of-course, I am a no super woman who can do both these things with perfection.
I am quite new to both these fields. I have approximately two years of experience in both Yoga and coding. There were times when I could not keep up with the amount of activities I was doing and I had to get-by in my job by (pretending to) being a good C++ software developer.
Below are some tips that will help you look like a sharp C++ software developer, help you communicate with other C++ software developers (as far as my experience is concerned, they are hard to communicate with sometimes) and hopefully help you pass your probation unless you have already screwed up by using raw pointers instead of smart pointers. Did not understand? Don’t worry, idea is to not understand but just pretend to know it all.
If you are reading this in 2020 and you come across a geeky C++ Software developer, just ask them “Have you tried C++20?”
If they say yes, be very appreciative and criticize openly on how some folks still stick to C++11 and how backward their their thinking is just like their C++ standard.
If they say they have no idea about C++20, tell them “C++20 changes the way we program and that they are missing out a lot by not using it already”.
At this point you have already raised your bar and brought the fear of missing out into the other person. They will stop talking to you at this point because you are clearly intimidating.
2. If a C++ developer approaches you with their unsolved coding problems
Pretend to listen very carefully, nodding your head a few times, look towards the ceiling and show them you are thinking very seriously about what they just said. Make some calculations with your fingers.
After killing a few minutes in deep thinking, ask them “Have you tried using a hash map to solve your problem?”
Now it is their turn to think. Don’t worry they won’t come back to you for the next couple of hours as they will spend way too much time in figuring out how to use a map. By then, you will probably be gone home.
3. If you hear words like “pointers”, “address” and “references”
There are two kinds of pointers — raw and smart. Smart pointers have 3 sub-types — unique, shared and weak.
Good programmers make sure to use smart pointers instead of raw pointers.
Unique and shared smart pointers are pretty common but most programmers have no idea what is a weak pointer and have never used it in their life. Most of them are pretending to know what it does. Trust me!
If you find anyone talking about shared pointers with a lot of pride, take a long sip of your coffee drink (oh yes, programmers always carry a cup of coffee) and express this in a very cool way “Naah, shared pointers are too mainstream, why not use weak pointers?”
4. Criticize if-else conditions
if-else conditions are block of codes that programmers write to execute different blocks of code. If you hear about or see such if-else conditions, criticize heavily on this piece of code. Most developers write if-else because they are syntactically easier. You can put them in self doubt by asking : “I bet this could be refactored to get rid of the if-else block!” and pretend to think deeply.
They will not question you, they will just do it. Most developer don’t exactly know why it is better to use switch cases instead of if-else conditions, use this ignorance to your power and crush the person who wrote the if-else condition.
And make sure to write switch cases yourself when you slide your code into the reviews. Otherwise the next time you will be the one getting crushed.
5. Ask “what about the tests?”
Every code needs to be tested by unit testing framework. It is one of the most scandalous topic for programmers.
This is the biggest weapon you can use every single day of your programming life because you will always meet the greatest of the great programmers or probably who pretend to be one and never test their code.
Look deeply into their eyes and ask them one single question - “Have you written unit tests?” If you see a hint of shame in their eyes, you know you have won and established yourself as the better developer because you at least thought about testing and thought counts.
Conclusion
I hope you enjoyed reading my pun article and learnt a few tricks which you can pull out of your sleeves to look like a pro developer. Stay tuned for more such articles on tech and health.
